Loving Black

Kendra - I'm sorry for your loss. I'm gla...

2012-05-02T22:01:55.897-04:00

Kendra - I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad to hear that you're asking for the help that you need to work through the grieving process. It goes against the grain for us to acknowledge that we're hurting and to ask for help.

Wow! Great read- thanks for sharing!! I can relate...

2012-05-02T10:12:01.479-04:00

Wow! Great read- thanks for sharing!! I can relate on sooo many levels- after the sudden loss of my husband, I have finally learned that IT IS OKAY to say "I am Not feeling well today" and asking for help and I have NO problem telling everyone that I've had to and continue to go to grief counseling to help me get through this.

I will definitely be sharing this article and YES- it is very liberating talking about it! : }

I am really interested in this subject. I am doin...

2012-01-17T21:49:09.601-05:00

I am really interested in this subject. I am doing my dissertation on SBW who do not go to therapy.

If you interested and this does not violate the blog rules please let me know.

Rena

I am doing my dissertation on SBW that do not atte...

2012-01-17T21:47:50.484-05:00

I am doing my dissertation on SBW that do not attend therapy.

If you are interested contact me at 9540leavitt21@gmail.com

Hope I'm not violating the comment rules. I would love to hear and share more.

Veronica

ME, TOO!!!! Just completed my re-introduction to t...

2012-01-13T16:03:00.744-05:00

ME, TOO!!!!
Just completed my re-introduction to therapy Thursday...
Luckily, I attach no stigma personally to mental maintenance with outside help :)

Listening and taking it all in because I am quickl...

2012-01-11T21:50:27.745-05:00

Listening and taking it all in because I am quickly realizing that I may indeed need to also take this route to becoming whole. Wow, I really needed to read this. Thanks for being so transparent.

As a SBW who has been in therapy for years, I can ...

2012-01-10T13:33:16.587-05:00

As a SBW who has been in therapy for years, I can tell you that it is a gift of God's grace. Having that space has saved my life, soul and relationships. And my therapist is a white woman, United Methodist. Keep at it!

Amen and thank you!

2012-01-10T13:27:45.973-05:00

Amen and thank you!

purple hids yeah man the great ideas you have mentioned in your this blog i really impressed from it so wanna thank you dear for this one it seems that you have put your extra efforts in it amazing dear

Nikki, I try to forget that I am a survivor of Dom...

2011-10-25T18:07:16.359-04:00

Nikki,
I try to forget that I am a survivor of Domestic Violence as well as Breast Cancer. I grew up in an abusive house where voilence was the norm but you did not talk about it. You are so right. We do not celebrate or acknowledge Domestic Violence in the same way as Breast Cancer and we still do not want to discuss it. I love your article. The article is so thoughtful and beautiful. I LOVE YOU! Mommie.

So true. While I can't testify to the "St...

2011-10-19T12:28:04.689-04:00

So true. While I can't testify to the "Strong Black Woman/Man" experience, I CAN testify to the value of unplugging. I find it is an essential part of my sabbath rest too. - Cathy

WOW! I know so many women who are definitely exper...

2011-07-28T14:21:10.329-04:00

WOW! I know so many women who are definitely experiencing symptoms of this condition. It's ironic that this disease would hve such detrimental effects on the emotional and physical health of so many of our women. The contributing factors of course are numerous and reach back as far as pre-emancipation and beyond. So unfortunate because I know that our role or lack there of is currently one of the largest contributors for Strong Black Woman Disease. I do believe that a healthy collective reconnect between Black Man and Black Woman could help alleviate much of the pain involved with this condition. :(

Your piece really resonated with me. I think you ...

2011-06-19T11:30:43.365-04:00

Your piece really resonated with me. I think you made some fantastic points and as much as I love the brother, I am getting tired of the messages I'm receiving - but I'm more concerned with the messages THE REST OF THE WORLD is receiving about us...

"It shatters the myth..." I am a firm ...

2010-11-24T11:18:02.907-05:00

"It shatters the myth..."

I am a firm believer in uplifting the people with good images to aspire to. But I am also a firm believer in truth telling and myth busting in order to heal and progress. Great article.

This is well-written and on target. Thanks, Doc. ...

2010-10-11T21:40:19.322-04:00

This is well-written and on target. Thanks, Doc.

Mike

This was a breath of fresh air. I guess there is n...

2010-10-11T21:20:27.463-04:00

This was a breath of fresh air. I guess there is no real way to "ease" into taking a public stand. You have helped me to fortify my own confidence and courage to "think out loud" instead of only in silence. Pray my strength in the Lord...

thank you so much for this honest message. i'...

2010-10-11T19:59:17.659-04:00

thank you so much for this honest message. i'm in tears! though i didn't stay in a "closet" for any length of time, i spent a lot of years and energy trying to convince myself i wasn't gay. no one looks forward to the sure and impending challenges of the "lifestyle".

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Amen.

2010-10-11T19:31:03.435-04:00

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Amen.

I am very sorry to learn of the death of Aiyisha H...

2010-10-11T19:13:00.823-04:00

I am very sorry to learn of the death of Aiyisha Hassan, a former student at Howard University. See the following link for more information: http://wglb-tv.blogspot.com/2010/10/howard-university-gathers-to-mourn-loss.html. Hassan's death has not gotten much media attention.

It has been six days since Aiyisha Hassan, 19yo, k...

2010-10-11T18:47:48.231-04:00

It has been six days since Aiyisha Hassan, 19yo, killed herself...

I completely agree that the tv shows are just not ...

2010-08-26T22:14:45.865-04:00

I completely agree that the tv shows are just not entertaining at all. Personally, I did not enjoy "Why Did I Get Married Too?" What happened to characters such as Cliff and Claire Huxtable and Carl and Harriett Winslow, who gave so much hope and wisdom, and excitment to black relationships? They made me want to be married and work out problems as an "adult." I want and expect more serious, realistic and profound characters to come from Tyler Perry's platform.

I'll keep praying....

Pamela - I agree wholeheartedly. The anger comes ...

2010-03-26T15:51:08.859-04:00

Pamela - I agree wholeheartedly. The anger comes from a sense of rejection that has a real basis. Black women are even having a hard time getting hired as booty-shaking extras in rap videos!

I'm being only slightly tongue-in-cheek when I say that. Ironically, that same Essence issue has an article on the new phenomenon of African American men flocking to the Dominican Republic for sex. There's a clear exploitative dimension there. But the island is also popular because many of the women have light skin, long hair, and - drumroll please - big butts.

But I wonder...behind this sense of rejection seems to lie the unspoken idea that if black men don't find us beautiful, no one else will. As long as we hold that belief, we'll always be angry and resentful toward those brothers who date and marry outside their race.

I don't think black women have the luxury of waiting for black men or white people to give us our self-esteem back. We need to reclaim our selves and our power, even in the midst of the cultural attack. Of course, that's easier said than done.

I'm pretty sure there'll be another episod...

2010-03-26T15:27:44.402-04:00

I'm pretty sure there'll be another episode!

So where is Episode 2? You mean you've only ...

2010-03-25T19:20:26.267-04:00

So where is Episode 2? You mean you've only had one of these?

(Sorry for the earlier comment deletion. I had to...

2010-03-25T16:24:15.803-04:00

(Sorry for the earlier comment deletion. I had to correct a typo!)

Hi Dr. Barnes. Enjoyed the post. Sorry that I am not leaving very substantive comments yet, but I'm sorta processing your comments. More valuable streams of thought may occur later (smile).

My friend Kathryn Broyles forwarded me your blog. Will look forward to reading more of it.

I appreciate your confrontation of the 'Angry Black Woman' archetype. However, I think it's the quantity of Black Guy and White Woman situations that we see in life, society, and the media more so than the other way around that produce such rejection. I live in Denver where the number of interracial relationships outnumber same-race relationships, and most of these are Black Males with White women. As a matter of fact, interracial children outnumber Black Children here. There are very few of the other group. I am married to a Black man (an immigrant from NC), but I can't help but wonder why these men gravitate to these women (or in the case of the Kardishians, they gravitate to the men.)

Is it not understandable that a sense of rejection would eventually result in seeing so many of these? Even when we straighten our hair, try to get as skinny as a white woman, there is a migration/attraction to them if there is a choice? I'm not sure of what the Psychology of Attraction is, but doesn't it start with the family origin? Isn't this at times a passive-aggressive action?

Just thinking....probably not worth the toilet paper it's written on (smile)

Pamela Robinson-Tate
Littleton, CO